OK, so before this opens the flood gates on comments about pregnancy and how lucky I am to be having a baby, I will first say, I love being a mom, I love that I am growing a small human and yes I know its a miracle. I can now say I’ve got experience with pregnancies in my 20’s, my 30’s and NOW my 40’s… so take this post with those figures in mind.
Aren’t you in love with being pregnant? Everyone is! It’s magical! It’s wonderful! Except… you’re not. But oh my goodness Don’t try to talk about it with anyone. It’s like explaining Cheese to a dog.
Lets be real for a moment shall we? There is such a stereotype forced on a woman to display this loving , maternal “glow” with pregnancy that there are too many woman afraid to share what they are really thinking, or when they try to, they get odd looks from their partners, or shamed for having feelings of being overwhelmed by those that take the time to listen to her concerns…or when someone asks how you are feeling and you answer “honestly” the response from people is “Well that’s to be expected”…so what does that mean for us?…just deal with it…
Well I am officially calling Bullsh@%! on the whole thing…THIS pregnancy has knocked me on my hemorrhoid ridden ass and its time that I am OK to share how I’m feeling… I’m 41 years old entering my third trimester, chasing a 23 month old toddler and a 16 year old teenage girl. I am tired, I am cranky and I am ready to be finished.
I LOVE my kids, I LOVE my family life, but its OK that I express that I am feeling rundown & tired. Its OK that from 2am – 4am while my baby does ballet in my stomach keeping me wide awake that I sometimes feel like smothering my snoring husband next to me (… just kidding honey, I only feel like smothering you when you tell me in the morning that you slept terribly). It’s OK for me NOT to be happy every moment of every development when all I want to do is have a night away where I can soak in a hot bubble-bath and not have anyone to answer to…its OK to dream that when I say I am going to bed, that I actually get to go to bed and not immediately follow that statement by spending 30 mins picking up toys and cleaning up dishes and putting away the laundry only to fall into bed and lay there wide awake for an hour with wicked indigestion or heartburn. Its OK that when I say this is my LAST pregnancy that it doesn’t make me sad, and its OK that I’m fine with the idea that I have completed that part of my journey in life…TOTALLY OK WITH IT…
When I was in my 20’s carrying my first child Mackenzie, my father was diagnosed with Cancer, My Grandmother passed away and the vet killed my cat while she was being spayed…needless to say I don’t really remember a lot about the physical side of the pregnancy other then she was born in the hottest August in years, my ankles swelled three times the normal size (which has part of an article in Today’s parent) and my face looked like I swallowed a small overweight child…but other then that…smooth sailing….While I was in my late 30’s I became pregnant with my now toddler Alexis. I was over joyed that my now husband who was helping me raise my teenage daughter was now going to be a daddy with his very own child, I felt AMAZING the whole pregnancy and I was that annoying mom that had a text book pregnancy ( other then some indigestion and a back spasm one month) I rocked the leather pants and heels till the last week, went into labor early morning and had the baby by 1pm, and then hosted a house full of people 5 days later for Easter ( it was pot luck, I didn’t cook, I’m not Martha freaking Stewart) but there was a difference during those two pregnancies, not my age as I was 39 when Lexi was born, but I was able to sleep when ever I wanted, I was self employed so if I needed a nap I took one…If I wanted to sleep in till 11am I could (obviously when my meetings allowed and always on the weekends) …but now, this is a WHOLE new adventure for me, soon I will be breastfeeding again, which means up every 2 hours… and my future thoughts exhaust me already.
At least now I can spend my evenings on my businesses along with getting caught up while Lexi naps, I’ve even just recently added a new Independent Sales Consultant role with Arbonne to my life ( which was an amazing decision that I will share in another post), but what happens when this new little bundle joins the family…there will be no “Sleep when the baby sleeps” as I got to with Alexis, because as this little baby will be sleeping while Im still running after Lexi. And lets not forget, that I don’t know what is harder, the toddler or the teenager, and I have two great ones, both happy wonderful kids, but with sporting events, practices, and a teenage girls social life, mixed together with a toddler that has NO FEAR and climbs on EVERYTHING, I’m exhausted just from that. And when your 23 month old reaches up EVERY TIME a Frozen song comes on because she wants to dance, you drop everything and do it, big pregnant belly and all…because those moments are short lived.
I’m not looking for Sympathy, in fact if I was I know I wouldn’t really find it, unless you are currently pregnant or dealing with a new born as well… and most likely this is why no one talks about these things.
Your friends who want kids don’t want to hear about the reality of your changing body, as the fantasy of everything being perfect is not something most want to give up on.
Your friends who don’t want kids will want you to shut up and basically will further that with, “You’re the one who wanted kids.” because apparently wanting a family means that you like being kicked in the cervix while urinating on yourself with a back that aches so bad you can hardly move…sorry if that image ruins it for the friends that are still in the “I want kids group” mentioned previously!)
Your Partner will most likely try to be sympathetic, but in his own way he is going through this change too, and for the most part will feel fairly helpless to anything that your body is doing to you.
Yeah, it is worth it in the end… but that doesn’t change anything you’re going through right now.
Even though you’re literally never alone, pregnancy for so many women can be a very lonely time. Not me mind you as I would KILL for a weekend away…but try to be there for someone who really has fears and is truly feeling bad because, and as a double edge sword she is feeling guilty about feeling bad…its truly a vicious circle we do to ourselves.
Yes when you hold your baby for the first moment, you will forget all of these things, you will finally glow with the little life you hold in your arms and you will truly love that euphoric moment you bond with that new little life…ahhhh….
…then the nurses get you out of bed, make you stand on your shaky legs ( sometimes still numb from the epi) in the shower or tub to clean off and ask you to pee…lol…such a classy moment right there…