The Modern Day Woman and the Struggle for Identity

As a woman (And maybe I am speaking just for  myself however there are more like me then care to admit) we want it all, and we want it now, the perfect children, the perfect marriage , the perfect home and the perfect career…Fashioning My Life

Always racing to the imaginary finish line, pressure pressure pressure – slow it down…we can have it all, but maybe “All” needs to be redefined.

As a female entrepreneur, there seems to be added rush put onto ourselves (by ourselves) to do everything at a mile a minute, trying to juggle 15 things at once all while refusing to ask for help or delegate because we have a Superwoman mentality. As if we have something to prove to the world, even if they are not watching…

In North America,  University graduates are averaging 60% Female and with 87% of all home purchasing decisions being made by woman, we have a tangible measurable change in society and yes, home life and ideals are changing at a ridiculous rate, family sizes are smaller, people are having babies later, divorce rates continue to rise as more and more people are ready to walk away from a situation then take the exhausting time to fix it…Rush Rush Rush to have it all…trying to get to that golden finish line of life bliss where we can harmoniously wake up one day and say…”I have everything…and it is perfect”

Like most working moms, I struggle with which events to miss or which meetings to sneak out of, am I a terrible mom buying dinner pre made on the way home because my meetings ran late?…or the fact that I am just NOT the domestic goddess that I see on the home shows as I watch TV in bed on my laptop at night.

With the advancements woman have made in the work place in the last 50+ years I see as a women, we are faced with a new dilemma…instead of celebrating those advancements, we are now bogged down with a whole new set of complications or unobtainable expectations of ourselves…there is still a need to feel like we still have those old fashion ideals of being the perfect mom, having the perfect home and perfect relationship however we also want that perfect career and all the power/ acclaim/ life fulfillment that comes with it.

It’s a struggle for identity…ours as an individual, as someone’s mom, as someone’s partner…how do we balance those all successfully…

Right now I am moving into a new role…I had my life fairly mapped out, with a new fiancé, a wonderful teenage daughter, career in the fashion industry, my day-to-day life was pretty consistent…I burned dinners (but at least I tried) I’ve gotten better with keeping the house somewhat immaculate…still always trying to mix up new projects into my career to keep me fresh and on the ball…then…life took a new turn…I found out I was expecting…my fiancé’s first time to be a biological dad (He’s already navigating teenage daughter years as a pro)…he is pretty excited about this new venture…I am as well…however at nearing 40, I was suddenly faced with the idea that everything is basically starting over on the home front…with my other daughter entering senior high soon I was a wind down mode with the obsessive parenting, she’s now at the “roll with the punches” and ‘grab her own breakfast in the morning age’…and now I will be faced with diapers and 3 AM feedings starting….In a few weeks I will once again be a “New” mom…

I am delighted to see how this will differ since my teenager grew up in a time and age when I was trying to figure myself out, as I was in my 20’s and really didn’t know who I really was or what I really wanted with clear intent…and she rolled through those changes with great ease…She lived through a divorce (2 actually) career changes and the moves that went with them, changing schools, making new friends and in the end she’s a pretty together child that is looked up to by a lot of her friends…life now is pretty secure, stable, beautiful home life and she thinks I have a cool career…so all the struggles were worth it…I said recently to my girlfriends this little one (another girl by the way…) will be stuck with who she’s got…

Now, Being self-employed with owning my own company I am now constantly having people ask me if I will still be working after the baby is born…I was finding this question so bizarre…”What?, am I supposed to give up my career now that I am having a baby?”…I don’t pay myself maternity benefits so it’s not like I can take a paid maternity leave…I expect a slowdown in the immediate weeks after delivery of course but is it so wrong that I get insulted by the question?…or that I plan to have my smart phone with me in the hospital stay so I can answer my emails?… I am going to have a BABY…I understand that I am not going to be able to just run out to a meeting without a lot more prep…is it wrong that I am already planning out my sitter situation for those moments and hoping my Fiancé is great with a bottle and changes to help when I do need those power meetings and when my presence is needed at a fashion event?


is it actually me kidding myself and I am not really prepared for the changes that are about to happen…I am so determined to have life continue as is and at a status quo…does this mean maybe I am not being as realistic as I think I am…guess I’ll find out…maybe realization will hit me when I show up at the first fashion event with vomit down the back of my designer dress or from a frantic phone call from my fiancé letting me know in the middle of a meeting that he ran out of breast milk at home…it will definitely hit once I am faced with the first pulled in 3 directions moment being a good mom/ fiancé/entrepreneur… so I guess for the next few weeks I will continue to try to fight the perception that nothing is going to change, I will continue to get dressed up and go to my meetings in my 4” heels with full makeup and hair done as if nothing has changed…and after this little one comes into the world I will most likely update this blog with what most of you are thinking and reading…this chick has no clue much life is about to change…however if you knew me you would know those thoughts just give me a new challenge.

Well 11am Laundry is done, floors are washed, teen off to school with lunch packed and now off to my next meeting…see this is easy….(Just kidding) however I DID get the laundry basket carried from the bedroom to the laundry room, and my daughter does have money for lunch…not bad…but I really am off to a business meeting.

Life is a struggle to make your priorities, with time it will come, just cut yourself some slack, we are NOT superwoman (even though the uniform is pretty smoking hot) just try your best to develop your own Work ~ Life ~ Balance and enjoy life…paint over that imaginary finish line and drive the open road of undiscovered adventures.

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